Totty, Don’t Cry
“Ooh look, they have lace-top streimels now!” said Shimmy, pointing at an ad in this week’s Achshav magazine.
“Cool! I wonder if the Horki Chassidim will start wearing them,” wondered Yitzy, leaning in to read the fine print. “It says you can’t tell where the real hair ends and the streimel starts. And they even have a special model for bald men!”
“Boys,” Totty said, looking over from the dining room table, his finger holding his place in his Gemara. “Are you ready to learn?”
“Almost,” Shimmy said, not looking up from the magazine. “Look! Cohen’s Ice Cream Cones has their biggest collection of milchig recipes yet: ‘Nine Days of Dairy Delight’! Wow…”
Yitzy gasped. “Look at this story about Elazar Avi-Evyon! He was drafted by the Cincinnati Jabbermouths! He is going to be the first frum professional Simon Says player!”
“I heard about him!” Shimmy said. “He used to learn in Yeshivas Yein Kafrisin! But what is he going to do when they have games on Shabbos?”
Yitzy peered at the article. “It says that he made an agreement that when there are games on Shabbos he will play a position other than the leader, so there won’t be a problem of amira l’akum.”
“Wow,” said Shimmy. “What a kiddush Hashem!”
Totty had heard enough. “Boys, what on earth are you reading?” he said, standing up and walking towards the couch. “It doesn’t sound very Shabbosdik.”
“It’s this week’s Achsav,” both boys said, each holding up one side of the magazine. “It says right on the cover ‘The perfect cure to boredom on Shabbos afternoon’.”
“Boredom???” Totty slapped his hand on his forehead so hard that the boys jumped and Little Yaeli looked up from playing with her blocks. “A Yid should never be bored! Sure, sometimes you might need a break and it’s healthy for children to play and spend their energy – but boredom???”
“Well yeah,” said Shimmy. “These summer Shabbosos are long and we don’t have anything to do.”
“Nothing to do???” Totty asked.
“I mean, of course we can learn,” Yitzy said. “But we’re kids. It’s hard to learn for five hours straight.”
“Oh I don’t think anyone is expecting you to learn for five hours on Shabbos,” said Totty. “But you boys know how to have fun in a kosher way.”
“What’s not kosher about Achshav?” asked Yitzy. “Look, it even has a hechsher from rabbanim who are so big we’ve never even heard of them before!”
“Let’s see,” said Totty, counting on his fingers. “Lace-top streimels, nine days of milchig pleasure, and a story applauding a meshugener who left yeshiva to play Simon Says professionally? I’ve never heard of sillier things in my life! Why don’t you read your collection of Toras Avigdor Junior booklets? You won’t find such silliness there.”
“But Totty,” said Shimmy. “Elazar Avi-Evyon is making such a big kiddush Hashem by not being the leader in Simon Says on Shabbos.”
“If you ask me, he’s making a chilul Hashem,” Totty said. “These are the types of things which make Hashem cry.”
“Hashem is sad?” asked little Yaeli, her eyes opened wide.
“Hashem cries when Klal Yisroel is no longer proud of what makes us great, and even more so when we are proud of things which are the opposite of that.”
Shimmy looked down at the magazine. “Then why don’t they write articles about people finishing Shas and all of the chessed that so many Yidden do, instead of this huge cover story about Mayor McGillicuddy from University City?”
“That’s a good question, and a very sad question,” Totty said. “If it makes Hashem ‘sad’, it should make us sad too. This is what we cry about on Tisha B’Av – the fact that we forget to be proud of what is really worth being proud about and instead being excited about nonsense. Imagine if a billionaire found a moldy piece of bread on the sidewalk and got all excited about his ‘free meal’. That’s what we look like when we celebrate people who play games for a living, streimels which look like real hair, or absurd amounts of milchig recipes. We are Hashem’s firstborn, the most special Nation in the world, the Am Hatorah – that is worth celebrating, writing, and reading about.”
Shimmy and Yitzy closed their magazine and looked at it with disgust.
“Totty,” they said. “We’re ready to learn with you now. And then when we’re done, we have enough saved copies of Toras Avigdor Junior to entertain us for hours!”
Little Yaeli looked up at the ceiling. “Don’t cry, Hashem!” she exclaimed. “Shimmy and Yitzy are learning Torah now!”
Have a Wonderful Shabbos!
Let’s review:
- What should a Yid be proud of?
- What makes Hashem ‘cry’?
