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Anger and Self Control
Part I. Anger and Middos
A Day of Perfection
Vayehi bayom hasheminiĀ āĀ And it was on the eighth day of the inauguration of the Mishkan.Ā TheĀ Am YisroelĀ was celebrating a great day in our history, finally theĀ ShechinaĀ would come to rest in the House of Hashem. On a day like that, it was the hope of theĀ Am YisroelĀ that every detail of the inauguralĀ avodahĀ should be perfect ā that nothing should go wrong. And soĀ darosh darash Moshe āĀ Moshe diligently inquired after every detail. The doubleĀ lashon, āhe inquired, he inquired,ā is emphasizing Mosheās utmost care in making sure that everything was being done in accordance with the exact command of Hashem.
And so, when he discovered that the he-goat of the sin offering had been burnt completely on theĀ mizbeachĀ instead of being eaten by theĀ kohanim, so he became wrathful. ×Ö·×ּ֓קְצֹף ×¢Ö·× ×Ö¶×Ö°×¢Öø×ָר ×Ö°×¢Ö·× ×Ö“××ŖÖø×ָר ×Ö°Ö¼× Öµ× ×Ö·×Ö²×ØÖ¹× āĀ And Moshe was angry at Elazar and IsamarĀ (Shemini 10:16).
The Perfect Man Reacts
Moshe was angry! Now, to our little minds that might not seem so surprising. After all, isnāt that natural? When something is done against our will, something thatās important to us, so we get frustrated; weāre angry. Sometimes you might even explode.
But we understand that Moshe Rabeinu wasnāt like us. He was the most perfect of all men, anĀ ish ElokimĀ who had complete control over his emotions. And so, itās a big question. Could it be that Moshe reacted to that base impulse of rage just like that?
And the question is only magnified even more when we study the words of the Rambam inĀ Hilchos DeiāosĀ (1: 1-3). He says there that anger is so dangerous of aĀ middahĀ that it belongs in a category separate from almost all otherĀ middos.Ā When it comes to most qualities of character, the Rambam says that we should aim to avoid extremes. Hakodosh Boruch Hu doesnāt approve of extremes; He prefers that people walk the middle road, what the Rambam calls theĀ derech haāyisharah.
Happiness and Generosity
For example, happiness,Ā simcha. A man should not be too ecstatic; wild with joy. You see how in America everyone is always guffawing ā loud laughing andĀ leitzanusĀ all the time. No, thatās not the Torah way of happiness. But a man shouldnāt be sad and despondent either, says the Rambam. He should take the middle path ā he should always be cheerful; filled with a satisfaction in life, an authentic joy that never dissipates.
And itās like that with otherĀ middosĀ too. Letās say, generosity and stinginess. A person shouldnāt waste money; he shouldnāt be a spendthrift. But he also shouldnāt be a tightwad and try to save every dollar that he has. He should walk the middle path by parting easily with money for his familyās needs; he should find it easy to separate from his money for whatās needed in the house and other good causes, at the same time that he lives with good sense and frugality, not wasting money on foolish things.
And if you look over there in the Rambam youāll see that this is his recommendation for almost all of the character traits āĀ itās the great principle of walking on theĀ shvil hazahav,Ā the golden path of theĀ derech haāemtzaāi.
Anger Is Different
However, says the Rambam (ibid; 2:3), anger is one of the few qualities of character that areĀ ossurĀ for a man even in a medium way. Anger is so perilous, so harmful, that you should aim for the extreme ā thereās no aspiring to walk the middle roadwhen it comes toĀ kaāas.Ā TheĀ chachomimĀ advise us to go against our nature ā we should undertake an attitude in life of trying to avoid angerĀ no matter what.Ā You should train yourself not to become angry even when it would appear to be justified. Even if somebody would hit you or embarrass you, you should act like nothing happened.
Itās not easy. Just listening to these words is not enough. A person must train himself for a long time until thisĀ middahĀ is uprooted. āNo matter what happens,ā he tells himself again and again, āIām not going to get angry even if Iām justified a hundred percent.ā Thatās how he has to think. Could be you think youāre a hundred percent right and the other person is a hundred percent wrong, but no matter, āIām not going to be angry no matter what.ā Itās not easy, but it has to be done.
Coming Home
So hereās a man who quarrels with his wife. Now, itās possible that both of them are to blame, but he should worry about himself now. And so, when he comes home at night, as heās holding the doorknob in his hand, let him think, āNo matter what, tonight Iām not going to react. I heard Rabbi Miller say that in a lecture and so Iām going to try it out.ā He steels himself for whatever may come.
And so, when he opens the door heās prepared because he already came to this lecture: āWhere were you all night long?ā sheās yelling. āI was left with the children ā they were driving me crazy!ā And so on and so forth.
But instead of exploding and saying, āWhat do you want from me?! Iām trying to make a living!ā No; he keeps quiet. He has a lot to say but he keeps his mouth closed. Maybe he opens it just a little: āOh no; Iām so sorry you had a difficult day. Tell me what happened,ā he says in a quiet voice.
Now, you wonāt be able to do such a thing naturally. You have to fortify yourself beforehand. He makes himself ready while heās still standing outside the house: āNo matter what happens, Iām not going to react.ā
The first evening itās not so easy. His blood is boiling and itās not easy to keep his tongue locked behind his teeth (see Eirechin 15b). But he does it and the night passes byĀ bāshalom.Ā Then another day passes and then another day and after a while it comes to him easier and easier.
Anger Is Just Too Dangerous
And he should continue in this manner for a long time. The Rambam doesnāt say how long, but you have to work on this until finally the quality of anger is uprooted from your mind entirely.Ā Shelo yargish afilu lidvarim hamachāisimĀ āĀ You wonāt even sense those things that would cause others to anger.Ā Youāll be able to remain calm under any circumstances because it doesnāt even occur to you to become angry.
And whatās remarkable about theĀ middahĀ of anger is that unlike otherĀ middosĀ where youāre expected to come back to theĀ derech haāemtazai,Ā when it comes toĀ kaāasĀ thereās no going back to the middle of the road. He should go against his nature and continue in this way for a long time until the quality of wrath is uprooted ā and once he achieves that,Ā he never should move away from that extreme.Ā Anger is too dangerous for walking the middle path.
Frothing and Foaming
And so we come back to the anger of Moshe Rabeinu in ourĀ parsha. ×Ö·×ּ֓קְצֹף ā Moshe Rabeinu was foaming. The wordĀ ketzefĀ means when water is so agitated that it froths and becomes foamy. And so theĀ possukĀ seems to be telling us that Moshe was frothing, he was foaming at the mouth.
And it wasnāt only once. In the Torah we findĀ āvayiktzofāĀ again and again. When he came down from Har Sinai and found people dancing around theĀ eigelĀ he smashed theĀ luchos!Ā You donāt smashĀ luchosĀ unless youāre angry! And forty years later, as Moshe was preparing to say his last goodbye to theĀ AmĀ Yisroel,Ā again:Ā Vayiktzof Moshe al pekudei haāchayilĀ ā Moshe was angry at the officers of the army. And he was angry other times too. And thatās a big question: How could it be that such a righteous man is becoming angry again and again?
Man Was Made Right
And the answer is that although the Rambam teaches us how important it is to avoid anger, still, he doesnāt approve of people who donāt haveĀ kaasĀ either.Ā āLo yihyeh kāmeis sheāeino margishāĀ he writes, ā āYou shouldnāt be like a dead person who doesnāt feel any anger.ā
×Ö±×Ö¹×§Ö“×× ×¢Öø×©Öø×× ×Ö¶×Ŗ ×Öø×Öø×Öø× ×ָשָ×ר āĀ Hashem made man in the right wayĀ (Koheles 7:29). It means thatall of the functions of a person are essential to him. Not only the bodily functions ā even theĀ emotionsĀ of a person were purposefully placed in man. Compassion and cruelty; generosity and stinginess; envy and satisfaction ā thereās no end to the different character traits that Hashem has implanted in Mankind. And everyĀ middahĀ that Mankind possesses is intended to be used according to the will of Hakodosh Boruch Hu. The wise man learns how much of eachĀ middahĀ is to be used and in which situations, so that he should achieve perfection of characterĀ al pi hatorah.
Part II. Righteous Anger
A Useful Weapon
And that means thatĀ kaāasĀ too is a wonderful creation of Hakodosh Boruch Hu. And I donāt use the word āwonderfulā lightly. Anger is a miraculous faculty of the mind and body working together in tandem. What happens when somebody becomes angry? On top of your kidneys there are two small glands called the adrenaline glands. And when these glands get the signal from your brain ā āItās time now for the body to get angryā ā so these glands inject into your blood a certain hormone, a secretion that makes your blood full of sugar. And this surplus imbues you with excess energy ā you suddenly have more energy than you normally have.
And you need this extra energy ā itās a stimulant. Your entire body is reacting to your thoughts of anger now ā your blood is boiling. An angry manās blood is an entirely different type of blood.
Now, why is Hakodosh Boruch Hu doing this now inside your body? Whatās the purpose of such changes? And the answer is that anger is an important weapon that we sometimes must make use of. Itās a giftĀ min hashamayim.Ā Because many times you have to go into battle and you need that stimulant that anger provides; you need extra energy to fight back againstĀ reshaāim.
Anger of Tzadikim
You know, when Dovid went to battle against the nations he didnāt carry with him only hisĀ tehillim. He raised up his battle axe and he summoned theĀ middahĀ ofĀ kaāas:Ā ×ֶרְ×Ö°Ö¼×¤Öø× ×Ö¹×Ö°×Ö·× ×Öø×ַשְ××Ö“××Öµ× āĀ I will pursue my enemies and annihilate themĀ (Shmuel II, 22:38). You think Dovid Hamelech destroyed his enemies with love?
Certainly anger in the midst of battle is very important. How can you be without anger? The Rambam says that a man withoutĀ kaāasĀ is like a cripple; heās castrated. YouĀ mustĀ get angry atĀ reshaāim;Ā youĀ mustĀ be filled with indignation at injustice. Wasnāt Pinchas angry when he saw what Zimri was about to do? Wasnāt Matisyahu angry when he saw the Jew who was about to conform to the request of the Greek official and bring an offering toĀ avodah zarah?Ā CertainlyĀ tzadikimĀ get angry!
Anger That Is Pleasing
And thatās why when Moshe Rabbeinu came down from Har Sinai carrying theĀ luchosĀ and he saw some of the Am Yisroel singing and dancing around theĀ eigel,Ā did he wait for his anger to subside? No; he took the tablets of stone and he hurled them down and smashed them to pieces! And Hakodosh Boruch Hu later said to him,Ā Yeyasher koichacho!Ā Itās a good thing that you got angry and smashed them to piecesā (Shabbos 87a).
Moshe was angry and that was a great lesson to the people. The people were shocked! They were stunned! Theyāre all waiting and finally Moshe Rabeinu is coming down the mountain with the stone tablets that Hashem had hewed and inscribed with His own script. And now this angry man broke them to pieces! ×Öø×ֲשַ××Ö°Ö¼×ØÖµ× ×Ö°×¢Öµ×× Öµ××Ö¶× āĀ I broke them before your eyes (Devarim 9:17). Ooh wah!Ā That put a quick end to the party! It was an anger that cooled them off from the celebration around the golden calf; it was an act of anger that was pleasing to Hakodosh Boruch Hu.
The Angry Shevet
And then Moshe Rabbeinu stood at the gateway of the camp and he called out, ×Ö“× ×Ö²×ַשֵ×× ×Öµ×Öø× ā āWho is for Hashem should come to me!ā And who came to him? Only the angry ones. If you werenāt angry, you stayed in your tent. Not everybody was willing to do that ā they were afraid. Once you go with Moshe Rabbeinu, who knows what youāll have to do? You might have to take vigorous and very decisive action. You might have to kill your brother too!
×Ö·×ÖµÖ¼×ָהְפ×Ö¼ ×Öµ×Öø×× ×ÖøÖ¼× ×Ö°Ö¼× Öµ× ×Öµ×Ö“× āĀ The Bnei Levi rallied to the cry of Moshe RabbeinuĀ (Shemos 32:27).Ā The entireĀ shevetĀ was burning with anger and they gathered around Moshe: āHere we are!ā And so Moshe said, āEach one of you should gird your sword on your loins and begin executing everyone who worshipped the golden calf whether itās your brother, friend or relative.ā And because they were angry, they listened.
×Öø×Ö¹×ֵר ×Ö°×Öø×Ö“×× ×Ö¼×Ö°×Ö“×Ö¼×Ö¹ ×Ö¹× ×ØÖ°×Ö“××ŖÖ“×× ×Ö°×Ö¶×Ŗ ×Ö¶×Öø×× ×Ö¹× ×Ö“×Ö“Ö¼×ר ×Ö°×Ö¶×Ŗ ×ÖøÖ¼× Öø×× ×Ö¹× ×Öø×Öø×¢ āĀ The one who said about his father and mother, āI have not favored himā; he did not give recognition to his brothers and he acted as if he didnāt know his childrenĀ (Devarim 33:9). Levi refused to recognize his relatives. Relatives, not relatives, it doesnāt matter ā anybody who is guilty of theĀ eigel, they put him to death. Three thousand were executed at that time; and it took anger to accomplish such difficult work.
Murder in the Tent
Now, we know that this is the reason that theĀ shevetĀ Levi attained greatness with Hashem. ×ÖøÖ¼×¢Öµ×Ŗ ×Ö·×Ö“×× ×Ö“×Ö°×Ö“Ö¼×× ×ַשֵּ×× ×Ö¶×Ŗ שֵ××Ö¶× ×Ö·×ÖµÖ¼×Ö“× āĀ At that time, Hashem set apart the shevet Levi.Ā āOooh!ā said Hakodosh Boruch Hu, āSuch aĀ shevet, aĀ shevetĀ that is angry over My honor, Iām going to elevate them.ā Thatās what anger was created for, to see that justice is done. TheĀ shevet LeviĀ didnāt get angry about broken dishes or about someone blocking a driveway. But for Hakodosh Boruch Hu?!Ā Ooh wah, did they get angry! And therefore, ×Ö°×Öø××Ö¼ ×Ö“× ×Ö·×Ö°×Ö“×Ö“Ö¼× āĀ The Leviāim belong to Me,Ā said Hashem (Bamidbar 3:45). And theĀ medrashĀ (Vayikra Rabbah 2:2) says, ×ÖøÖ¼×¢×Ö¹×Öø× ×Ö·×Ö¶Ö¼× ×Ö¼×Öø×¢×Ö¹×Öø× ×Ö·×ÖøÖ¼× ā If youāre a Levi, if youāre only angry about My honor, then you have a specialĀ zchusĀ in Olam Habo too. That anger elevated them forever ā they were separated for greatness because of their anger.
Our history is full of stories of great people who utilized their anger for the service of Hashem. Pinchas was aĀ kanaāiĀ ā it means he was an angry man. And when he saw Zimri going into a tent with Kozbi bas Tzur, so Pinchas took his spear and pierced their bodies with it. You canāt do such a thing with a calm mind! You have to have the fire of anger to drive you to do it. What type of anger? Anger for the cause ofĀ kavod shamayim,Ā to put an end toĀ chillul Hashem.Ā To fight with a bully like that, someone who flouts theĀ dāvar HashemĀ in public, thatās when you must listen to your anger! Pinchas understood what Hashem required from him at that moment and he mustered theĀ middahĀ of anger that Hashem implanted in hisĀ neshama. He said, āKaāas, come forth for me. I need you now.ā And the anger that he felt when he saw theĀ chilul HashemĀ now overflowed ā it came out and he rushed forward with the spear.
Liberals and Capital Punishment
Sometimes weĀ wantĀ the anger to come forth. Hakodosh Boruch Hu puts in Mankind an anger so that society should want to rise up against the criminal. Unless you were misāeducated in the colleges, youāll feel a natural anger and indignation against injustice.
Thatās why itās a terrible crime today when judges postpone trials and the criminal many times doesnāt come into the courtroom for a year or longer ā they want to wait until the anger has already subsided. No!Ā Ein meāanin es hadinĀ āĀ You cannot postpone judgement!Ā As soon as possible the criminal must be brought to judgment āĀ while the blood is still boiling with anger!Ā When the blood of the victim just recently buried is crying out from the earth and the blood of society is bubbling with anger, thatās the time to judge the man because the purpose of anger is to take revenge! Certainly society has to take revenge! Thatās what Hakodosh Boruch Hu wants!
Now people in general, when it doesnāt affect them personally, they have a lassitude, a feeling of negligence: āItās none of my business,ā they think. Sometimes a person might even have misplaced pity ā āYouāre going to take a human being and put him in the electric chair?ā
Now, I know that today youāll findĀ lamdanimĀ whoāll come out with wholeĀ teshuvosĀ that we donāt want people to be killed today; that we should intervene with the government against capital punishment. All these things, you have to know, are triggered by liberals who go toĀ gedolimĀ and finagle from themĀ teshuvos. Itās not true! Actually in the olden days they were happy that the government hadĀ dinei nefashosĀ because when theyāreĀ danin vāhorgin,Ā where the government kills, itās a great restraint against crime.
The Criminal Governor
Among Jews we say × Öø×§Ö¹× ×Ö“× ÖøÖ¼×§Öµ× āĀ Crime surely must be avengedĀ (Shemos 21:20).Ā It means that you have to be angry at criminals. Not like that criminal governor Cuomo who vetoed the death penalty.Ā HeāsĀ the criminal; heās the one who will be to blame for the murders that will take place in the future. Because now they know they have a friend in Albany ā all the criminals and all their liberal lawyers know they can rely on him. Itās only when the leaders of society make a display of justified anger against wrongdoing, thatās when society functions properly.
And so we see now that sometimes youĀ mustĀ have anger. You canāt be a stoic and not let wickedness make an effect on you. And the truth is that itās not only for criminals and murderers. Itās not reserved for people dancing around anĀ eigelĀ or a bootlicker whoās kowtowing to the Syrian-Greeks. Even in your house! Some things a man cannot allow to go on in his house; he canāt allow his house to become like an Irishmanās house.Ā AbsolutelyĀ the home is his responsibility. Sometimes he hears what happened, things that the child did or somebody else did and he must react; he must recognize that the anger bubbling within him is there for a reason.
Part III. Dangers of Anger
Dynamite Usage
And yet, at the same time, he must also understand that anger is like dynamite ā itās a useful tool that can be dangerous when misused. Dynamite, you know, is a wonderful invention. Letās say youāre trying to make a road and you come to a rocky hill thatās standing in the way of your new throughway. Now, itās going to be a problem if youāll have to make a detour around every mountain, so you take sticks of dynamite and you blow the rock out of the way to make a path through the mountain.
But suppose you work dynamiting mountains for the Department of Highways and now you come home and youāre locked out of the house ā you canāt find your key and your wife is out somewhere. So will you take a piece of dynamite that you have in your work truck and put it near the door to blow the door open? No, you canāt use such extreme means ā dynamite is not for that.
Now, letās say this man dynamites the door open and now heās in the house. It doesnāt end there ā a man like that never knows when to stop. When the door is finally opened, he explodes with emotional dynamite:Ā āWhy did you lock the latch from the inside? I was trying to get in all this time! Of course I tried the key! Donāt you have any consideration for me? Iām standing outside in the freezing cold! Donāt people here think about things before they do them?!āĀ A man like that is the biggest failure there is. Heās a terror! Nobody wants him there! His wife and his children wish he would go back to work.
The Locked Cabinet
And thatās because heās using his dynamite in the wrong place. His children and his wife are not dancing around anĀ eigel; and theyāre not the Syrian-Greeks either. Are you going to carry dynamite sticks in your pocket and every time someone tries to get in your way, youāll throw a stick of dynamite at him? No, you canāt throw dynamite around indiscriminately and you canāt use anger indiscriminately either ā thatās how a house is destroyed.
And so, once a man realizes that anger is a very powerful medium, that should only be used very infrequently, so he makes up his mind, āIām going to put the dynamite in the basement, in the locked cabinet, and not use it except for extreme cases.ā He doesnāt walk the middle road when it comes to anger ā although itās made for a purpose, nevertheless it must be put away and taken out only for the most dire emergencies.
Now, there are many people who take their anger out of the locked cabinet all too often; some people donāt ever bother closing the cabinet at all and it becomes a sickness of the soul that has terrible repercussions for a person.
The Varied Treatments of Gehenom
InĀ Mesichta NedarimĀ (22a) we find an important statement that teaches us about the results of a personās anger:Ā Rabbi Shmuel bar Nachmeini said in the name of Rabbi Yonasan: Anyone who gets angry has to know that eventually all the different kinds of Gehenom will have control over him.Ā Not only will the angry man inherit for himselfĀ Gehenom, but it will be every form ofĀ Gehenom! And thatās becauseĀ kaāasĀ means every kind of sin.
Of course,Ā kaāasĀ can cause a person sometimes to beĀ mechalel ShabbosĀ and in hisĀ kaāasĀ sometimes heāll do even worse things too. There have been boys and girls who ran away out ofĀ kaāasĀ and they accepted a cult instead of the Jewish faith. People have bowed down to idols to spite their families because ofĀ kaāas. But weāre not even talking about that now. Weāre talking now about a person who learns Torah and he performsĀ mitzvosĀ and about him theĀ gemaraĀ says that every treatment inĀ GehenomĀ is waiting for him.
BecauseĀ kaāasĀ brings a person not only to be angry. EveryĀ middahĀ raāahĀ comes as a result of anger. It brings a person also to be mean and to say hurtful words. People break other peopleās hearts in their anger. It brings a person to do all kinds of wicked things ā to sayĀ lashon hora, to slander others and to ruin their lives. And for so many types of sins, you need so many types ofĀ GehenomĀ treatments.
Alternatives to Gehenom
Now, you have to know that inĀ GehenomĀ the treatments are not as easy as the treatments in this world. In this world, if you take aĀ seferĀ like theĀ ReishisĀ ChochmaĀ orĀ ShevetĀ MussarĀ and study them so youāll heal yourself the easier way. If you take theĀ seferĀ Pele YoetzĀ orĀ OrchosĀ Tzaddikim, or if youāll take aĀ seferĀ likeĀ Mesilas Yesharim, theseĀ seforimĀ will be a salve, a balm on your blister of anger and theyāll cause it gradually to go away almost painlessly. By learning the right kind of Torah, a person can change his character and remedy his faults almost painlessly in this world.
But if he neglected to do that and he goes toĀ GehenomĀ with that blister, with that ulcer of anger; there the treatment is entirely different. InĀ Gehenom, thereās no moreĀ Mesilas Yesharim, no moreĀ OrchosĀ Tzaddikim. All these good remedies are left behind in this world. And instead they have very powerful chemicals, like burning lye, to heal yourĀ neshama. Theyāll put burning lye on that ulcer and theyāll remove it. But it hurts likeĀ Gehenom!Ā And this I cannot describe to you because itās indescribable. Just to heal oneĀ middah raāahĀ a person must undergo a terrible torture ā andĀ kaāasĀ is the source of many manyĀ middos raāosĀ and many many sins.
The Angry Mentality
The gemara says,Ā Kol hakoāes āĀ When someone becomes angry,Ā afilu Shechinah eino chashuvah kenegdo āĀ even theĀ ShechinahĀ is not important in his mind (Nedarim 22b). Hashem doesnāt matter to him!
Now, thatās a remarkable statement and the angry man would deny it vehemently. āChas veshalom,ā heāll say. āI put on tefillin every day and I daven with aĀ minyan. What do you mean Hashem doesnāt matter to me?!ā ButĀ ChazalĀ looked into theĀ penimiyus,Ā intothe subconscious mind of theĀ koāesĀ and testified that at that moment of anger he doesnāt care for anything āĀ even the Shechinah doesnāt mean anything to him at that moment!
Sheneāemar;Ā theyquote aĀ passukĀ inĀ TehillimĀ (10:4):Ā Rasha kegovah apo āĀ When theĀ rashaĀ becomes highly angry,Ā bal yidrosh āĀ he doesnāt care to think into anything. At that moment he loses his mind. And whatās the result?Ā Ein Elokim kol mezimosav āĀ all of hisĀ machshavosĀ end up in the idea thatĀ ein Elokim, that there is no Hashem.Ā This is a remarkably extreme statement ā that when a man becomes very angry so he tends toward the mentality thatĀ ein Elokim.
Disappearing Emunah
Now, weāll understand this as follows.Ā KaāasĀ comes because something is not according to this manās will, not according to his desires. He sees some opposition or some frustration of his hopes and he becomes dissatisfied with the way things are. The thing that he wished didnāt come true or the situation is not the way he wanted it to be and that causes hisĀ kaāasĀ to assert itself. Heās angry now with the way things are as if Hakadosh Baruch Hu had neglected to take care of things properly ā as if Hakodosh Boruch Hu has overlooked something and was faulty in His supervision.
Now, as we said before, he wouldnāt be that bold to formulate such words. Heās aĀ frumĀ man and heāll never say such a thing. But actually the idea that the world is controlled by a benevolent ruler, by an all-powerful, all-seeing G-d, whose purpose is kindliness, that idea is weakened in his mind when he gets angry. And when he becomes angry frequently then Hashem is gradually erased from his mind ā every time he becomes angry, hisĀ emunahĀ becomes more and more pale and dim. He doesnāt feel that theĀ ShechinahĀ is close anymore and he acts in his subconscious mind as if the world has no supervision and things happen by chaos and accident. Actually, he becomes aĀ koferĀ without realizing it.
And thatās why theĀ gemaraĀ says there that ×Ö°×Öø××Ö¼×¢Ö· שֶ××¢Ö²×Ö¹× Ö¹×ŖÖø×× ×ְרֻ×Ö“Ö¼×× ×Ö“×Ö°Ö¼××Ö¼×Ö°×ŖÖø×× āĀ He can take it to the bank that his scale is weighed down on the side of Gehenom.Ā An angry person doesnāt have to wait for theĀ yom hadinĀ to find out whatās going to be with him. He can already be assured that his sins are more than his merits. Heās aĀ shoimerĀ mitzvosĀ ā no question about that. And yet, if he gets angry, itās ×Öø××Ö¼×¢Ö·, he should know beforehand that thereās no questionāĀ his sins exceed his good deeds.
And thatās what theĀ gemaraĀ is telling us here ā a person must take it into his head, whether he is a greatĀ baalĀ kaāasĀ or a littleĀ baalĀ kaāasĀ to think about this matter earnestly; itās one of the great issues of life because his entire place in the World to Come is dependent on that. ×Ö°×ָהֵר ×Ö·Ö¼×¢Ö·×” ×Ö“×Ö“Ö¼×Ö¶Ö¼×Öø āĀ Remove anger from your heart,Ā ×Ö°×Ö·×¢Ö²×ֵר ×ØÖø×¢Öø× ×Ö“×ְּשָ×רֶ×ÖøĀ ā and thereby remove the punishments of Gehenom from yourself.
Part IV. In Practice
Gehenom In This World
Now all of this is true ā nothing could be more true than whatās waiting for a man in the Next World. But still, we shouldnāt forget about theĀ pshuto shel mikraĀ of thisĀ possukĀ which is just as true. Shlomo Hamelech says: ×Ö°×ָהֵר ×Ö·Ö¼×¢Ö·×” ×Ö“×Ö“Ö¼×Ö¶Ö¼×ÖøāĀ Remove kaāas from your mind,Ā ×Ö°×Ö·×¢Ö²×ֵר ×ØÖø×¢Öø× ×Ö“×ְּשָ×רֶ×Öø āĀ and remove all types ofĀ trouble from your flesh.Ā From your flesh in this world! Every kind of trouble comes fromĀ kaāas! We see it all the time, on all sides, that when people are victims of their anger, their lives are ruined in this world as well. Thatās the plain meaningof theĀ passuk. Shlomo HaMelech is telling us that all kinds of disasters and misfortunes are waiting for a man who is quick tempered.
Now, we understand that thereās a certain exhilaration in yielding to anger because itās like narcotics ā it stimulates the body when the extra sugars begin flowing through the veins. But itās not so good for your health if your body is frequently and needlessly stimulated. Anger causes ill health. Sometimes you become a regular sugar producer and youāll become diabetic,Ā chas vāshalom.Ā I know people who contracted diabetes because of anger. When the metabolism is upset the body can not utilize its mechanism of extracting the starches properly so he becomes over supplied with sugar, he has sugar in his blood, and that is why a diabetic person is always in danger of his life, unless heās constantly taking insulin, and even then, anything could happen. Itās a result of anger.
Death by Anger
Other people get strokes in the head from anger. Because the blood, in order to travel through the fine blood vessels in the brain, sometimes only one corpuscle can travel through at a time ā in a single file they have to pass through. Thatās how thin some of these blood vessels in the brain are. And sometimes if the blood is a little heavy with fibrinogen it clots and it clogs up the little artery in the brain and thatās a strokeĀ chalila. Many people have died in a stroke of anger.
How many people have dropped dead of heart failure because of anger? Keep in mind too that even while theyāre still alive their lives are not lives; theyāre constantly disturbed because of their anger, but then they drop dead too.You know, a man who has a certain condition, his wife can kill him without a gun. If she makes him angry and he boils up, suddenly something bursts, a blood vessel in his head bursts, and heās finished. There was once a famous English physician who diagnosed his own case: āAnybody who wants can kill me because Iām an angry man,ā he said. āAny rascal can come and make me lose my temper ā and that would be the end of me.ā
Dynamic Marriages
Anger ends peopleās marriage careers too. Thatās why there are so many divorces. As soon as people get married they begin dynamiting their way into unhappiness. It all began so wonderfully. There was romance and flowers and music and perfume. Everything was beautiful but then they settle down to the humdrum of daily life. And now he needs, letās say, to brush his teeth in the morning and his beloved is occupying the bathroom a little longer than he wants, so he starts pounding on the door. His glands are pumping sugar into his blood and heās becoming more and more excited. The anger that was meant to be used for the most rare occasions is now being used because of an occupied toilet. And now she discovers who he really is. Oh no! She didnāt marry a man like that! And that is the beginning of a great deal of trouble in life.
Iām talking now about a man but the same is for a woman. If she wants to spend on something and he feels that they canāt afford it yet, she feels frustrated. āHeās preventing me from buying something I desire!ā So all her life she was a spoiled little girl whose mother waited on her hand and foot and now sheās angry because she canāt get what she wants. And her husband looks on in astonishment: āIs this the lovely woman that I married?ā He sees a raging female ā a raging female is not so beautiful anymore.
Wrong Beginnings
Now, sometimes the trouble already begins at the wedding. Everybody is hectic and nervous and so when you come out of theĀ yichudĀ room ā itās a stupid custom recently instituted that theĀ chossonĀ andĀ kallahĀ when they come out of theĀ yichudĀ room, so theĀ kallahĀ displays a gift that theĀ chossonĀ gave her; a newĀ minhagĀ āĀ minhag America.
And so he comes out and her mother says to her, āWhat did theĀ chossonĀ give you?ā
She says, āGive me?Ā Boruch Hashem,Ā Iām married ā thatās all I wanted.ā
āHe didnāt give you anything?!ā And she says it in a loud voice.
Now, theĀ chossonĀ hears these foolish words of his mother-in-law, and he never learned thisĀ possukĀ in Mishlei, so he gets angry and he retorts: āWhatās it your business what I give to my wife?ā he says to the mother.
And she answers him and he answers her and thatās the beginning of the end. Now there begins a long line of recriminations that end up in a divorce and aĀ dinĀ TorahĀ and a court fight and broken hearts and broken health. A tragedy; a terrible tragedy. Sometimes a child is born in between too. And that poor child is a victim, a lifelong victim of a broken home.
Let It Pass
Now, had that boy been prepared previously so he would have trained himself to avoid anger at all costs ā of course the mother-in-law should have prepared herself too ā but thisĀ chossonĀ is aĀ talmid chochom;Ā he canāt learn theĀ poshut pshatĀ of aĀ possukĀ in Mishlei?!
If he would have prepared himself by learning these words that Shlomo HaMelech says, āRemoveĀ kaāasĀ from your heart and youāll remove a lot of trouble from your life,ā so he knows already that when people are going to say something unfair to you, it doesnāt make an impression and you remain calm. He wouldnāt have lost his temper at that moment, and the incident would have passed by. They would have celebrated manyĀ brissim, many birthdays andĀ barĀ mitzvahs. They would have danced atĀ chassunasĀ of children and great grandchildren. Who knows how many happy occasions they would have celebrated together if not for one careless fit of anger?
Opening The Cabinet
And therefore, anger is a terrible tool; itās dynamite that must be locked away in a cabinet. And yet, sometimes you must open that anger cabinet. A man must show thatĀ kaāasĀ sometimes. You canāt have a stony heart like the Greek stoics and not let wickedness make an effect on you. So what should one do?
So the Rambam advises that you should makeĀ kaāas haponim vālo kaāas haleivĀ āĀ Train yourself to make a face of kaāas even though inwardly you are in control.Ā The little fire of anger you feel inside is a warning signal that you might have to react but you make it your business beforehand to say, āIām just a play actor and in my heart I have no resentment at all.ā Try it sometimes. Youāre in control ā youāre onlyĀ actingĀ like youāre angry.
Thatās an important point. There is such a thing as anger for a just purpose, but even then it should beĀ kaāas hapanim vālo kaāas haleiv. It should be just an externality, an act. And this is something that parents and teachers must learn. Itās something everyone must learn. Youāre putting on a show. When you recognize the anger against wrongdoing welling up within you, you quash it; you smother it and you begin to act. Anyone who is guiding others must learn how to put on an act of anger. Heās just doing his duty by behaving as if he were angry while inwardly heās full of composure. You can be very angry outwardly but inwardly you should attempt to be calm.
Personal Recollection
Only you have to be careful, because sometimes from the face, it permeates down to the heart too. Sometimes itās not possible for a person to do a good job and once he assumes a mask of anger, his interiority follows his exteriority. That happens too. But the ideal is that you should be only outwardly angry. You steel yourself beforehand, youāll insulate your heart against it and say, āIām only play-acting.ā In your heart you are as calm as could be.
I once went to a meeting. I was sent by a Rosh Yeshiva to a Board of Directors meeting for the yeshiva. We had to ask them for money to employ another person, another rebbe. But the Board of Directors didnāt have any money and they said that they couldnāt hire another person. So I was angry at them! When I came back and told the Rosh HaYeshiva what the Board of Directors said, so the Rosh Yeshiva asked me, āWere you angry at them? and I said, āYes, very angry; we need that Rebbi.ā So the Rosh Hayeshiva said, āOh no; you should have shown just a face of anger. You shouldnāt have been angry. ItāsĀ kaāas haponimĀ you show ā but there shouldnāt beĀ kaāas haleiv.
Foamy Anger
Now, Moshe Rabeinu, you have to know, didnāt need any Rosh Yeshiva to remind Him. Moshe was a master over his emotions ā he wasnāt overcome by grief or joy. You think Moshe Rabenu lost his temper,Ā chasĀ vāshaolm?Ā If anybody thinks that, heās making a fundamental error. Moshe Rabenu was the most perfect of men ā he had trained himself in the awareness that he was always standing before Hashem and he was therefore able to turn on his anger the way we turn on a faucet.
And so when this greatest of men deemed anger a necessity so he donned the mask of wrath. ×Ö·×ּ֓קְצֹף ×ֹשֶ×× means he put on a face of anger.Ā VayiktzofĀ comes from the rootĀ ketzef,Ā like in the words ākiketzef al pnei mayimā ā like a foam, a froth, upon the water (Hoshea 10:7). TheĀ ketzefĀ is onlyĀ al pnei hamayimĀ ā itās only superficial. Thatās enough!Ā Kaāas hapanim, vālo kaāas haleiv.
And thatās the explanation for all the instances where you find that Moshe Rabenu became angry. When he saw something that he thought was wrong, something that was against the will of Hashem, and he felt the anger in his heart that was telling him something must be done, so he put on his mask and frightened them. Moshe Rabenu showed them a mask of anger and it frightened them into submission.
And thatās the great lesson ofĀ VayiktzofĀ ā that sometimes you have to show a face of anger. But itās only aĀ ketzef;Ā itās only a superficial bubbling on the surface. Sometimes you have to put on the mask of anger in your house; you have to show your children. āYou canāt do that!ā Letās say sometimes a child insists on running out into the street where itās dangerous and you have to give him aĀ potchĀ and warn him not to do it again. Even the fondest parent needs sometimes to recognize the anger bubbling within him as an important stimulus ā and then heāll feign wrath for the benefit of the child. But as much as possible, itās always āanger of the countenance but not of the mind.ā
Apply Judiciously
Now, I couldnāt tell you all the details, when yes, when no, how much yes, how much no. The situations that we face are endless and therefore the words youāre hearing now, they need to be applied judiciously. Everything that you hear in this place is like good meat; I hope itās good meat. But even good meat you canāt eat by itself. You need to have a little bit of onions. You need a little bit of salt and pepper. You need some condiments. If youāll buy a piece of meat in a butcher shop and try to eat it straight from the butcherās block, then you wonāt enjoy it much.
Everything you hear needs to be explained and applied in practice. You need a great many other things besides these words alone. What youāre hearing are just generalities or generalizations. Weāre not talking about waving a magic wand and suddenly everything is transformed. You expect that by hearing this lecture, youāre going to be transformed? You canāt expect to hear something once and just walk away and now youāre all ready now to face the world.
And so, youāll have to hear these ideas over and over again and think into them. Only by dint of studying, so youāll come to know how to keep far far away from anger, and how to use it when needed ā when yes and when not and how much. And so you have to get to work changing yourself. Certainly it takes work ā nothing good comes easy. Everything comes as a result of work! Youāll have to go out from here and practice again and again and again; and finally in the course of years and years, youāll discover that youāll be rewarded richly for all the effort that you invested inĀ tikkun hamiddos.Ā Youāll become a more and more perfectĀ evedĀ HashemĀ every day of your life, fulfilling the purpose that you came into this world to achieve.
Have A Wonderful Shabbos
Letās Get Practical
Anger of the Countenance, Not the Mind
Anger is a creation of Hashem and itās a useful tool, but also a very dangerous one. Sometimes we need to use anger, but it must be a superficial anger;Ā ketzef,Ā like foam atop water.
Bear in mind that we cannot expect to change in one day and transformation must be the result of study. This week I will review this booklet, underlining whatever speaks to me most. I will spend a few minutes each day reviewing these lines.