Q:
Should we do chessed with non-frum Jews?
A:
And the answer is absolutely. For two reasons—I’ll say three reasons.
One reason is as everybody knows, there’s a hope of roping them in. You have to deal kindly with people who are flesh and blood of your own even though they have strayed from the fold because it’s a good opportunity that you might win them back. It happened again and again. You have to try.
Why should you repel them and convince them that they’re right in being estranged from frum Jews? No. Show them that we are their brothers. It doesn’t mean you have to spend your time with them. It doesn’t mean you have to be influenced by them. No. Watch out from bad company. But if you come in casual contact, make it your business to be polite with everybody.
A second reason is because in most cases, it’s not their fault at all. They are blind because they were born from birth without eyes. Their parents were ignorant, like amei ha’aretz and beheimos. They haven’t the slightest idea of right and wrong, and therefore you have to have compassion on their ignorance. And even if you won’t win them back, but to a certain extent, you have to have pity on them. It’s not their fault.
Now a third reason. The third reason applies not only to not-frum Jews, but it applies to gentiles too. You know, Moshe Rabbeinu when it came to smiting the river, the Nile and turning it into blood, he wasn’t given the job. It was given to Aharon HaKohen. Why was that? Because Hakodosh Boruch Hu said, “Moshe Rabbeinu, you were saved by the Nile. The Nile saved you, so therefore, you shouldn’t be ungrateful.” What saved you, you shouldn’t be ungrateful.
Like it says, בירא דשתית מיניה – the well from which you drank, לא תשדי ביה קלא – you shouldn’t throw into it dirt (Bava Kama 92b). If you drank from the well, don’t spit into it.
Now what is there to be ungrateful to a well? A well has no feelings. The answer is, you have feelings. If you’ll drink from a well and then spit into it, it makes you wicked. You have to practice that good character even to a well.
Like the Chovos Halevovos tells a story, a man was walking through the street and he saw a dead cow. So he said, “How foul this cow is; this dead carcass is.”
So another man said, “Don’t say that. Say, ‘How white her teeth are. How nice and white her teeth are.’”
Now what’s the difference? The cow won’t feel any embarrassment.
The answer is, you are being ruined by saying wrong things. You have to practice up good character even on dead cows too.
And therefore, if you’re mean to a goy, you’re becoming mean. No question about it. If you’re wicked to gentiles, you become wicked. So it pays to utilize the goy for your own benefit. You’re not doing him a favor; you’re doing yourself a favor. And that’s why it pays to be polite to everybody, even to cows and even to wells, in order that you should gain good character by practicing up.
And that’s the answer, should you do chessed with non-frum Jews? You have plenty of frum Jews who need your chessed. You have money, spend it on frum Jews. Don’t give a penny to UJA. Not one single penny. If you’re in the subway and a blind man comes along—he looks like he’s a blind man—and he’s shaking his tin cup, he wants donations and nobody is giving a thing. Take out one penny from your pocket—just one penny, not more—and drop it in. Make a loud noise in his tin cup and get the most for your money. Everybody will look at you, a Jew with a beard, “Oh, he’s a man who has rachmanus. He dropped money in the blind man’s cup.” You’re getting for your penny a lot of money’s worth. Don’t put in more than one penny however.
And so, there are plenty of frum Jews who are very poor. They need your help urgently. As much as you can send to them, Eretz Yisroel, talmidei chachamim, big families; and even in America. Your money is needed. And you want to take out time to help Jews, a lot of frum Jews need your help; old people and sick people and so on.
But if you come in contact with those who are not frum, make it your business to leave over a fragrance, a pleasant aroma. They’ll remember that their experience with frum Jews was always a pleasant one.
(February 1989)
