Q:
Someone wants to tell me his problems with someone else in order to ask me for advice but it involves a lot of gossip and I don’t know if I should listen to his story. What do you advise in such a situation?
A:
It depends. This depends almost entirely on your motivation.
If you feel that you are sincere in your desire to help that person and you have no interest in tale-bearing, in receiving gossip, in reports about somebody, then you take the responsibility, however.
And you have to listen and make up your mind that you’re not accepting and not believing anything. You’re only doing it hypothetically; if such and such is really so, how should you advise someone.
And Hakodosh Boruch Hu is bochen levavos, He looks into the human heart and He knows whether you really mean it or you’re trying to plumb somebody’s mind to get out his secrets or just to spend a little time gossiping.
And that’s why it’s a big responsibility.
And if you’re in doubt, so safeik d’oraisah l’chumra. If you’re in doubt what your motives are, so tell him, “I have an appointment,” or “I have to go to the bathroom”. Just disappear if you’re in doubt, because this is not a small subject. It’s a very important subject and you cannot take a risk.
(October 1972)
