Q:
How can a person tell if he has met his right zivug?
A:
Do you know when he can tell? When he stands under the chuppah and says “harei at mekudeshes” he has met his right zivug.
As soon as you’re married, that’s it. Make up your mind that’s your right zivug. Like somebody once said, “Just as it’s important to look for the right one, it’s important also to be the right one.” So make it your business to see to it that your wife met the right zivug.
So no matter what, make up your mind you’re going to grin and bear it. You’ll grit your teeth no matter how difficult it is, and you’ll stick it out. You’ll remain until the very end. At the very end, then you’ll know that you met the right zivug. Otherwise, you’re deceiving yourself.
There’s no such thing as right zivug if you’re not going to try to make it right.
I’ll tell you a right zivug. Do you want to hear an example of a right zivug? When Shimshon married Delilah, it was a right zivug. It was min haShamayim. His parents didn’t know כי מה׳ הוא (Shoftim 14:4). The Gemara (Sotah 9b) brings that as an example of a right zivug.
What did she do? She caused him to lose his eyes, and he lost his life from the Plishtim. That was a right zivug. So you see the right zivug is not always the right zivug.
So therefore make every zivug the right zivug and do the best you can. And then Hakadosh Baruch Hu will tell you when you come to the next world, “You had the right zivug.”
(January 1989)
