Rav Avigdor Miller on My Mother and My Wife



Should a man say anything to his mother if he knows his mother is saying not nice things to his wife?


Ah!  That’s an important question! What should a man do when he knows his mother is butting in? She’s opening her mouth about subjects she shouldn’t be getting involved in or she’s saying uncomplimentary things to your wife and it’s causing friction.

It states in the Torah, על כן יעזב איש את אביו ואת אמו ודבק באשתו – Therefore a man forsakes his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife.  If he sees that one of his parents is interfering in his family life or is causing distress to his wife, he must make it clear to his mother that she should not do that.  He shouldn’t hesitate!  That’s his duty as a husband. He must step in!

And not just to defend his wife; to argue with his mother and go back and forth. No; he says like this: “Mother,” he says, “when this subject comes up, please do not say one word. You cannot say such things to my wife!” And let him say it with a little bit of viciousness. Now, maybe she’ll get angry; so there’ll be one fight, but that one fight will save a thousand. It must be done once and for all! The husband must prevent his mother from becoming a source of conflict in the house.  Otherwise, there’s no end; a box of troubles will open up that has no end.
TAPE # 154 (February 1977)