Rav Avigdor Miller on Pre-Engagement Kiruv



Should a boy marry a non-religious girl who says she is willing to become religious in order to get married?


And the answer is as follows—and pay attention because this is what causes shipwrecks again and again.

If she wants to become religious, see that she becomes religious before the engagement; not afterwards.  If before the engagement she’s willing to dress with tzniyus for some time; if she’s willing to do a lot of things for a long time—months and months. But never give an engagement ring to a girl with the hope that eventually she’s going to become better.

And the same way is with a boy. You’re not going to change anybody after the engagement.  Once they have you in their clutches, it’s all over!  And it’s a tragic error that’s repeated constantly.

TAPE # 414 (August 1982)