Rav Avigdor Miller on Shidduch Investigations



How can we be really sure about our future partner’s true character before marriage?


You can consult a navi.

Second best, ask her teachers in the school where she went.  If she went to a school, ask the teachers.  Now, one teacher is not enough.  Ask all you can.  Ask from neighbors.  Many times neighbors have a grudge and they’ll tell you the truth.  You have to ask.

If you’re too lazy to ask, alright; but you’re taking a risk.

And everybody is deceived to some extent.  Everybody is eventually disillusioned.  Rarely does it happen that he won’t discover more than he thought. However, the same applies to you.  You’re deceiving her too.  So they both deceive each other and that’s how you have to live.  Nobody is a Prince Charming and nobody is a Princess.  It’s two human beings with all their foibles and faults.  You have to marry each other for better or worse.

There’s one prescription, one recipe for success.  It’s not enough to look for the best person; it’s important to try to be the best person.  No matter what you really are, try to be the best.

However, it certainly pays to inquire all you can.

TAPE # 587 (February 1986)