What should one’s response be after his wife shouts at him and he says, “Yes, yes, you’re right,” and she says “You’re just saying that because Rabbi Miller said you should”?
So you should say, “No, I’m saying it because I know you’re a wise woman and I’m listening to you.”
It doesn’t mean you have to obey your wife always. No; that’s a different story. But don’t tell her you’re not going to obey her.
Always try to do what my rebbi once said. I had a rebbi who once said, “Silk outside and steel inside.” Inside you can be steel; but don’t show the steel. Show only silk. Silk outside and steel inside. Because sometimes you can’t change your mind – you’re right and she’s not right. But don’t tell her so openly she’s wrong. Do it with silk. Maybe you can do it in a diplomatic way; whatever it is, a chacham can avoid a confrontation; no question about it.
TAPE #E-129 (January 1998)