Q:
How does one determine who the right one is when looking to marry?
A:
There’s a certain saying. When you’re getting married and you’re looking for the right person it’s more important that you should be the right person. Because there’s no such thing as the right person.
Of course you should always inquire of her Bais Yaakov teachers. If they praise her enthusiastically, then deduct 80%. But still there’s something there. If they praise her lukewarmly, then forget about her.
If she calls up the mashgiach of his yeshiva and he says, “Oh, that boy. He’s a nice boy,” so forget about it. If he’s in raptures then maybe he’s passable; you can think about marrying him.
Certainly you have to use common sense and look before you leap, but no matter how much you inquire, marriage is not going to be only a bed of roses. And therefore it’ll only be the right one when you make yourself the right one. That’s the truth.
TAPE # 620 (December 1986)
