Q:
If Hashem is the shadchan – He’s the matchmaker and He’s mezaveg zivugim – why should we blame anybody who marries a girl who is no good, or if a girl marries a boy who is not good?
A:
I’ll paraphrase the question. Why do we blame people – let’s say if a kohen marries a grushah, a divorcee – why blame him? Hashem is mezaveg zivugim! Or if Shimshon married Delila, why was he blamed?
Now let me explain what was explained here many times already. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is mezaveg zivugim for the purpose of man being able to accept or to refuse. He brings a zivug to you. It comes to you, but it doesn’t mean you have to take it.
Sometimes, Hashem sends the wrong person to him to test him. Like Shimshon was tested and he said, אוֹתָהּ קַח לִי – Take her for me, כִּי הִיא יָשְׁרָה בְעֵינָי – because she’s good in my eyes (Shoftim 14:3). He failed the test. Hashem sent her to test Shimshon. He wasn’t supposed to take her.
Sometimes it’s the other way around. Sometimes a man turned down the right zivug because her nose was just a little bit too long or some other blemish that he thought was a blemish and he lost his great opportunity. Hashem was mezaveg zivugim – only that this picky man didn’t accept it.
And therefore, mezaveg zivugim doesn’t mean that Hashem makes shotgun weddings – He doesn’t say, “You must marry.” He gives you opportunities to marry. Therefore, if people marry correctly, if they obey Hashem’s instinct that He put into them and they take the opportunity, then they are happy that Hashem gave them the right one.
Now study that and understand that when a man marries a forbidden woman, they’re chayev malkus. They have to give a get right away because Hashem wants only kosher zivugim. And if a person did make a wrong zivug, it means he was offered the opportunity to be tested and he failed the test.
September 1987
