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Q:

Which bad middah should a person try to improve first?

A:

And this I would never say to you. It’s like a person who calls up the doctor on the telephone, “Doctor, which of my illnesses should I try to heal first?”

So the doctor says, “Look, come into my office. I have to see what you have, if you have anything, I’ll be able to tell you maybe. But if you want by long distance, by remote control, I can’t tell you anything.”

Some people have to be taught how to be happy. Some people have to be taught how to keep their mouths closed, a great form of trouble is talking. Some people have to be taught how to get along with people in their neighborhood. That means their family, in their vicinity, their employers or their wives. There’s a lot of things to be done in improving a person and everything should be done. But what comes first depends on individual consultation.

Now don’t come to me, but there are people to whom you should go and let them spend time analyzing you.

Not psychoanalyzing, that’s garbage.

I asked a man who’d been going to a psychoanalyst for 25 years, “Did he help you?”

He says, “No, but I understand myself better.”

Lately there’s a little honesty now about them. Lately there’s some honesty. Lately they’ve been saying, “It’s not enough to understand yourself, you have to do something about it.” Now they’re finally coming, after so many years of bluffing the people and taking your money for nothing.

So you’ll find somebody who understands you and he’ll try to advise you on what comes first. But I wouldn’t tell you.

Let’s say here’s a boy who is morose, a boy who’s sad faced and the boy is working on a middah, on the middah of keeping quiet. It’s not for him. Keeping quiet is not for him. He has to learn how to talk, how to communicate. Here’s another fellow, he’s working on the middah, he just got married, he’s working on the middah of prishus, of denying himself any pleasures in this world. Then you shouldn’t have gotten married, my friend. Your wife is not going to appreciate that middah. You have to know where, vu ein and vu ois.

And therefore, you need advice on what to practice.

(May 1981)

OUR PILLARS

Rav Avigdor Miller on Which Middah to Improve First

print

Q:

Which bad middah should a person try to improve first?

A:

And this I would never say to you. It’s like a person who calls up the doctor on the telephone, “Doctor, which of my illnesses should I try to heal first?”

So the doctor says, “Look, come into my office. I have to see what you have, if you have anything, I’ll be able to tell you maybe. But if you want by long distance, by remote control, I can’t tell you anything.”

Some people have to be taught how to be happy. Some people have to be taught how to keep their mouths closed, a great form of trouble is talking. Some people have to be taught how to get along with people in their neighborhood. That means their family, in their vicinity, their employers or their wives. There’s a lot of things to be done in improving a person and everything should be done. But what comes first depends on individual consultation.

Now don’t come to me, but there are people to whom you should go and let them spend time analyzing you.

Not psychoanalyzing, that’s garbage.

I asked a man who’d been going to a psychoanalyst for 25 years, “Did he help you?”

He says, “No, but I understand myself better.”

Lately there’s a little honesty now about them. Lately there’s some honesty. Lately they’ve been saying, “It’s not enough to understand yourself, you have to do something about it.” Now they’re finally coming, after so many years of bluffing the people and taking your money for nothing.

So you’ll find somebody who understands you and he’ll try to advise you on what comes first. But I wouldn’t tell you.

Let’s say here’s a boy who is morose, a boy who’s sad faced and the boy is working on a middah, on the middah of keeping quiet. It’s not for him. Keeping quiet is not for him. He has to learn how to talk, how to communicate. Here’s another fellow, he’s working on the middah, he just got married, he’s working on the middah of prishus, of denying himself any pleasures in this world. Then you shouldn’t have gotten married, my friend. Your wife is not going to appreciate that middah. You have to know where, vu ein and vu ois.

And therefore, you need advice on what to practice.

(May 1981)

print

Q:

Which bad middah should a person try to improve first?

A:

And this I would never say to you. It’s like a person who calls up the doctor on the telephone, “Doctor, which of my illnesses should I try to heal first?”

So the doctor says, “Look, come into my office. I have to see what you have, if you have anything, I’ll be able to tell you maybe. But if you want by long distance, by remote control, I can’t tell you anything.”

Some people have to be taught how to be happy. Some people have to be taught how to keep their mouths closed, a great form of trouble is talking. Some people have to be taught how to get along with people in their neighborhood. That means their family, in their vicinity, their employers or their wives. There’s a lot of things to be done in improving a person and everything should be done. But what comes first depends on individual consultation.

Now don’t come to me, but there are people to whom you should go and let them spend time analyzing you.

Not psychoanalyzing, that’s garbage.

I asked a man who’d been going to a psychoanalyst for 25 years, “Did he help you?”

He says, “No, but I understand myself better.”

Lately there’s a little honesty now about them. Lately there’s some honesty. Lately they’ve been saying, “It’s not enough to understand yourself, you have to do something about it.” Now they’re finally coming, after so many years of bluffing the people and taking your money for nothing.

So you’ll find somebody who understands you and he’ll try to advise you on what comes first. But I wouldn’t tell you.

Let’s say here’s a boy who is morose, a boy who’s sad faced and the boy is working on a middah, on the middah of keeping quiet. It’s not for him. Keeping quiet is not for him. He has to learn how to talk, how to communicate. Here’s another fellow, he’s working on the middah, he just got married, he’s working on the middah of prishus, of denying himself any pleasures in this world. Then you shouldn’t have gotten married, my friend. Your wife is not going to appreciate that middah. You have to know where, vu ein and vu ois.

And therefore, you need advice on what to practice.

(May 1981)

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print

Q:

Which bad middah should a person try to improve first?

A:

And this I would never say to you. It’s like a person who calls up the doctor on the telephone, “Doctor, which of my illnesses should I try to heal first?”

So the doctor says, “Look, come into my office. I have to see what you have, if you have anything, I’ll be able to tell you maybe. But if you want by long distance, by remote control, I can’t tell you anything.”

Some people have to be taught how to be happy. Some people have to be taught how to keep their mouths closed, a great form of trouble is talking. Some people have to be taught how to get along with people in their neighborhood. That means their family, in their vicinity, their employers or their wives. There’s a lot of things to be done in improving a person and everything should be done. But what comes first depends on individual consultation.

Now don’t come to me, but there are people to whom you should go and let them spend time analyzing you.

Not psychoanalyzing, that’s garbage.

I asked a man who’d been going to a psychoanalyst for 25 years, “Did he help you?”

He says, “No, but I understand myself better.”

Lately there’s a little honesty now about them. Lately there’s some honesty. Lately they’ve been saying, “It’s not enough to understand yourself, you have to do something about it.” Now they’re finally coming, after so many years of bluffing the people and taking your money for nothing.

So you’ll find somebody who understands you and he’ll try to advise you on what comes first. But I wouldn’t tell you.

Let’s say here’s a boy who is morose, a boy who’s sad faced and the boy is working on a middah, on the middah of keeping quiet. It’s not for him. Keeping quiet is not for him. He has to learn how to talk, how to communicate. Here’s another fellow, he’s working on the middah, he just got married, he’s working on the middah of prishus, of denying himself any pleasures in this world. Then you shouldn’t have gotten married, my friend. Your wife is not going to appreciate that middah. You have to know where, vu ein and vu ois.

And therefore, you need advice on what to practice.

(May 1981)

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