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Q: 

Should a yeshiva man seek a marriage that gives him enough money to ensure his future in a kollel?

A:

And the answer is yes – that’s the answer. Unless he doesn’t want to continue in a kollel.

And you must know that even though learning Torah for years after the marriage is in itself a great blessing, it’s a blessing not only for him, it’s a blessing for his wife too. She’s a kollel wife, a different kind of wife, and the children are kollel children, different kind of children. Everything is different – it’s a different life afterwards. Even though later he leaves the kollel, it’s already a different family forever and ever.

However, despite the fact that this is a valuable way of settling one’s affairs, he should not make the error of selling himself to the wrong party just because of learning in a kollel. It’s important to know that a wife is in itself a shleimus. How lucky is the man who can get a woman of valor, an eishes chayil. Many times a poor girl, without any money at all, but her ambition and her zeal, and her idealism can push him to greatness in Torah. And besides greatness in Torah in kollel, there’s greatness all the days of his life. The right kind of a wife can encourage a man to learn all day Sunday and all day Shabbos and every evening – there are plenty of people who are forging ahead to greatness, without being in the kollel, because they married the right woman.

And don’t forget, children are very important; and if the woman is not the type who wants to raise a family then you’re frustrated. עמלינו אלו הבנים — Our toil, our achievements, are our children. And therefore, a woman who is willing to have a big family and she has the spirit to bring them up b’derech hatorah, that itself is a big wealth. So therefore the best thing is to marry a woman of that kind; if she happens to be very wealthy too, that’s the best shidduch. But you must use your judgment not to sacrifice the virtues, merely for the sake of ability to learn in kollel.

TAPE # 504 (April 1984)

By |2023-07-16T13:50:19+08:00February 12, 2020|Q & A|0 Comments

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