Rav Avigdor Miller on Beautiful Girls and Beautiful Middos

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Q:
What should I do if I want to marry a pretty girl because I’m concerned about what my friends will say?

A:
If you want to marry a woman just because of your friends, then you’re not a big חכם. You’re not too wise. You have to marry a woman with whom you’ll be able to get along and succeed in building a holy house.

Now, in most cases she’ll be deceived by him. And he’ll be deceived by her. That’s how it always is. At first he tells me, “Ah, her מידות! Ah yai yai, her מידות  are so special!” Later he discovers what her מידות  really are. And the same with his מידות. She comes here to speak with me not because she’s impressed with his מידות. I deal with people. And I always have this experience.

So, get ready for reality. And don’t say it’s not so. At first everybody looks nice and talks nice. But when you get down to living together, it’s not so simple. So you have to make up your mind that no matter what – of course you have to choose the best that you can – but no matter what, you’re going to be deceived anyhow. So make up your mind that no matter what, you’re going to be the best that you can be. You’ll keep your mouth closed. You won’t criticize your wife. You won’t criticize your husband. You’ll always say yes. You’ll never say no. Never say no to your husband or your wife. Even though you’re not going to listen. Don’t say no anyhow. Don’t say no. Say yes yes. Always say yes. Always be nice to your son-in-law, to your father-in-law. Never say anything wrong to your son-in-law. Never. Don’t give any עצות. Don’t give him your advice. Just give him money and כבוד. I always tell you, with your son-in-law, keep your wallet open and your mouth shut. Money and honor – that’s all you should give him. Also, your daughter-in-law. Give no advice to your daughter-in-law. No advice to your daughter-in-law! Never mix in. Don’t ask your daughter how she’s getting along with her husband. You shouldn’t do that! And she shouldn’t tell you anything. It’s none of your business. None of your business! A husband and wife – everything is their own business. They shouldn’t tell their parents anything.

And so when you get married, you have to make up your mind, not only you look for the best, but you yourself have to try to be the best. That’s all. That’s all. You be the best!

TAPE #E-192