Rav Avigdor Miller on Eating Oysters and Wedding Invitations

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Q:
Should I attend the wedding of a close relative if there is going to be mixed dancing at the party?

A:
Now, we can rephrase this question. Should you attend the wedding of a close relative where they will be serving oysters? Mixed dancing is worse than oysters. If somebody points a gun at your head and says, “Eat this oyster,” so you can eat the oyster to save your life. But if he points a gun at your head and says, “Dance with that girl over there,” tell him to shoot. Or, take away the gun from him and shoot him! But whatever you do, don’t dance with that girl. It’s יהרג ואל יעבור! It’s one of the sins that you have to forfeit your life for. It’s עריות, immorality, and a man is required to give his life rather then commit immoral acts.

The question is, what to do if you are invited, and you don’t want to lose that relative. So here’s what you do: First of all, you have to try to be away. Even if you have to go to Eretz Yisroel at the same time as the wedding, just to a avoid it, it pays. What does it cost already, five hundred dollars? If you can afford it, do it. If not, then go to Chicago. You had to be in Chicago for some reason, business or whatever you can think of. You’re in Chicago and you can’t make it. That’s a good excuse.

And in case you can’t go anywhere, then you come to the wedding. Come early and stay in the lobby. Be conspicuous, so that when a relative comes into the lobby, he should see you loafing there all the time. And then, when the dancing begins, you quietly slip out the door and go home. If they say, “Why don’t you come in and join us in the hall?”, say, “I was there!” “Why don’t you sit down to eat something?”, say “I have stomach trouble; I have to go home.”

TAPE # 549