What advice could you give a thirty year old, frum yeshiva bochur who is having a hard time finding a shidduch?
The first piece of advice is: Are you making a living? Why should anybody marry you? Are you making a living?! And the fact that you did odd jobs here and there, no, you’re not ready to make a living. You have to learn a parnasa. Why shouldn’t you learn a parnasa? The Gemara says that you have to learn an אומנות, a trade (Kiddushin 30b).
So if you’re a kollel-man, and it’s תורתו אומנותו, maybe. But don’t deceive yourself however. Don’t deceive yourself! If you’re a real kollel-man, then you’ll have a to find a kollel that’s willing to take you. But if you’re not a kollel-man, which most likely you’re not, then you have to find yourself an אומנות. You have to be able to support a wife and children. And that’s עבודת השם! It’s serving Hashem to support a family. גדול הנהנה מיגיע כפו יותר מירא שמים (Brachos 8a). That’s a wonderful statement there. “A man who works to make a living is more than a ירא שמים.” Because he is doing what Hakodosh Boruch Hu wants. He’s an עובד השם. That’s real עבודת השם, to support a family. Raising up frum children! You have to pay שכר לימוד to the yeshivos. You have to buy kosher food. It all cost money.
And therefore you have to learn how to make a living. That’s number one! If you make a good living, then you’ll find it much easier to find a shidduch.
TAPE # 825 (May 1999)