Rav Avigdor Miller on Lashon Hora and Your Spouse



When a husband comes home from work distressed, should he relate business problems to his wife or is there some fear that some lashon hara will be spoken?


A husband must be careful what he says to his wife – especially if she is the type that becomes excited. First of all if he tells her of some setback that he suffered in business, so she’ll say “I’m always telling you you’re no good! You don’t know how to deal with people.” She’ll pour salt on his wounds and there’ll be a big fight.

And therefore one of the meforshim says, when it says אל תרבה שיחה עם האשה – don’t talk too much with your wife (Avos 1:5), he says it means don’t give her opportunities to criticize you and attack you. She’ll use that as a handle to belittle you.

However, if she is a wife who tries to console her husband, you can tell her certain things. But if she gets excited against other people and becomes an enemy and talks against them, you have to watch out.

And therefore, you have to be aware of lashon hara between husband and wife. That’s what it says ומגיד לאדם מה שחו – Hakodosh Boruch Hu some day will play back to a man all that he said to his wife, or what his wife said to him (Amos 4:13, Chagiga 5a). And lashon hara is one of them. All the things are recorded and so you have to be careful what you say.

TAPE # 470