Rav Avigdor Miller on Learning Kli Yakar and Fighting Your Husband

print
Q:
Is it better to fight against the Zionists and our other enemies or should we just ignore them?



A:
Whether you should fight against anybody or just ignore them – that really depends on the circumstances. Now this is a question that a young lady in the women’s section is asking. I cannot tell you whether you should fight or ignore – it’s too general of a question. And who exactly you should fight against and who exactly you should ignore I also wouldn’t tell you al regel achas, standing on one foot.

But one thing I can tell you is – young lady, you’d better learn not to fight with your husband. And if you think that what I’m saying is superfluous – let me tell you, that’s the first thing you have to learn!

While you worry about fighting against other people – against evil men – there’s one evil man that you’re going to  have to get along with.

You know, if it was up to me, I would institute in all the girl’s schools – in all the seminaries – courses for success in marriage. Because right now there aren’t any good courses. You know, I used to speak to the Bais Yakov girls frequently,  and when I brought up this topic of studying for success in marriage they thought of it as a waste of time. They wanted to hear – the good girls wanted to hear about the mefarshim – what the Malbim says and what the Kli Yakir says.

Now that’s wonderful. But the peirush that is most necessary is what does Hakodosh Boruch Hu say on the subject of living with another person in the same house. Because you aren’t trained for it. All your life, up to the age of eighteen, or whatever it is, you were trained by your parents that whatever you said, they said, “Yes, yes.”  If you stamped your foot they became frightened. And if they didn’t do what you wanted, you ran to your room and slammed the door. And your mother got on her knees and brought supper to you on her knees and you still said, “No, no. Go away.” And then when your mother went to sleep you would sneak out of your room and eat up the whole plate of food, of course.

And now you marry a young man who did the same thing in his house. So now, two such people have to learn to live together!

And that’s why I say – of all the questions – who should you learn to fight against? You should learn how to not fight against your husband.
TAPE # 70 (April 1975)