How can frum parents not allow their daughter to marry a bum if Yakov Avinu was punished for locking Dina in a box in order to prevent her from marrying Eisav?
Yakov Avinu was punished for refusing to allow his daughter to marry Eisav?! No, no. That’s not true. He wasn’t punished for that.
Let me explain. When Yakov Avinu was about to meet Eisav, he put his daughter, Dina, in a box. He put her in the box and nailed on the cover. And as he nailed on the cover, he banged in the nails with a cheishek. And he was doing the right thing. He was protecting his daughter.
So what was the criticism of Yakov? This was the criticism. Why did you bang in the nails with such a cheishek?! You should have nailed it in with tears. You should have cried and said, “I’m so sorry that I have to conceal my daughter from my own brother. If only Eisav was a mentch I’d be able to marry off my daughter to him. I’m so sorry that it came to this.”
But there’s no question that Yakov was michuyav to conceal his daughter from Eisav! What do you think? That he should take his daughter and feed her to a wild lion – lifnei am ha’aretz?! If a man marries his daughter off to an am ha’aretz then he must know that he has ruined her life.
Yakov Avinu wasn’t punished for refusing to give Dina to Eisav. He had to refuse. Only that he should have regretted it. Now, of course he regretted it. But in the strict and piercing eyes of Hashem he didn’t regret it enough. He should have cried out, “I’m so sorry that I have to do this!” And that’s what he was punished for. Why weren’t you sorry? Why didn’t you feel terrible regret that your brother was not worthy? But absolutely Yakov had to refuse. That wasn’t a cheit at all. Not at all.