Rav Avigdor Miller on Love At First Sight

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Q:
Is it true that when the right one comes along it will be love at first sight?


A:
It’s definitely not true. You have to know that Hakodosh Boruch Hu has prepared one wrongs too. And many times the wrong one comes along first. So you have to make sure it will be love at first sight and second sight and third sight. And the truth is that it shouldn’t be your sight you’re relying on. The best way to look at your future kallah is through the eyes of your mother or your aunt. As your aunt looks at the kallah she sees her. You don’t see her: you see her hair, all puffed up. But your mother and your aunt see the kallah. And that’s very important.

And that’s why in the olden days the women used to make the shidduchim. They knew this and this girl; that’s the right one. They knew her character. But the boy doesn’t know anything about her character. He just sees a nose, he sees the painted eyelashes, he sees the paint on the lips, and he is captured! And therefore, the first time is meaningless.
TAPE # 609 (September 1986)