When a husband and wife get married, do their relationship to their parents change?
When people get married, they’re still the children of their parents. Only now they have another relationship. That’s to yourself. אשתו כגופו – a wife is like yourself.
And therefore, the wife should come first in matters of respect. Of course you have to respect your parents too; but suppose your mother or your father would like you to fight with your wife – “Go tell her off, Chaim! Don’t let her do that! Tell her off!” Oh no, don’t tell your wife off at all! No! Don’t listen to your parents! There’s no mitzvah in the case like that! Don’t make any quarrel with your wife just to please your parents. No.
So you have to honor your father and mother in every respect only that you have to honor your wife too. And Rava said to the people of Michuza, אוֹקִירוּ לִנְשַׁיְיכוּ – honor your wives! You hear those words – honor your wives! כִּי הֵיכִי דְתִתְעַתְּרוּ – in order you should become wealthy.
Hakodosh Boruch Hu promises to reward you. If you honor your wife, you’ll have a reward in this world – “in order you should become wealthy.” Now, if you honor your parents, a reward is offered in this world too: לְמַעַן יַֽאֲרִכוּן יָמֶיךָ – your days should become long. And therefore, after you’re married all these mitzvos are still in place; honoring his father and his mother and honoring his wife.
So let’s say your mother is scolding your wife, don’t say, “Mother, keep quiet!” No. Start laughing. Say, “Mother, we know you don’t mean it. You’re such a kindly person. We know you love everybody.” And therefore, you’ll walk out of the house laughing. Walk out of the house laughing! You don’t have to insult your mother to take up for your wife. And don’t say your mother is right and hurt your wife’s feelings. Use diplomacy and make everybody happy!
TAPE # 999