How should a boy prepare himself for his marriage?
That question needs a book!
But briefly, to make it simple, what should a boy or a girl have in mind? One element is that you are marrying for the purpose of doing the will of Hashem. And therefore, it’s not what you get out of the marriage that’s going to matter, it’s how much you put into the marriage that counts.
And even if you have a husband or a wife who is disappointing – which usually is the case – nevertheless, you do your duty because you’re not serving him, you’re serving Hashem, you’re not serving her, you’re serving Hashem. That’s number one. And that’s so important that we’re told that at the chuppah, when the chosson and the kallah are standing under the chuppah, Hakodosh Boruch Hu is there with them; He’s the third party.
And that’s why, first of all, preparing for marriage means that it’s important to know that you’re not marrying for fun, you’re not marrying just for the adventure of it. Don’t expect anything more than what you will put into your marriage! And that’s your service of Hashem. And the more you devote yourself to doing your duty properly, that’s your success for life. That’s number one. I am making it brief but these things actually need a great deal of talking.
And the second is this: You must make it a principle that this is going to be your big test in life, to get along with your mate. Because you are going to have contact with your mate more than with other people and so it’s like meeting thousands of fellow Jews. If you meet a thousand fellow Jews and you get along with nine hundred of them, you are a success. If you get along with nine hundred and ninety, a bigger success. And therefore, if your contacts with your husband or your wife will be a thousand contacts – it will be more than a thousand contacts; if you live together for fifty years, there are hundreds of thousands of contacts – and you are able to make most of them successful, then you are successful.
And therefore there are two elements. Again; first, there is your service of Hashem when you are getting married and you have to do the best you can in your marriage to fulfill the will of Hashem. And secondly, to learn how to get along with your fellow man, your spouse, to the best of your ability and that test is the test of your success in life. Now that’s very brief but it’s important. If there would be more time it should be explained in more detail.
TAPE # 908