The Rav has spoken many times about a situation where a husband hits a wife and the wife kicks him out of the house. And the Rav has said that it’s not right for the wife to kick him out of the house. What if a husband does this more than once?
Look. In the olden days, there were women who were beaten by their husbands – gentile women who were beaten every Saturday night by their husband. Shabbos was the payday in those days. They took the money, went to the saloon, got drunk and came home and beat their wives. They came home well-inebriated and they practiced up their fisticuffs on the closest object they found – their wives. Israel Zangwill describes it in one of his books. He writes there that in London every Saturday night a wail goes up from beaten wives in the gentile part of the city. But in the Jewish part of the city, he says, there’s nothing. It’s quiet by the Jews.
Now, did these gentile women go away from their husband? No. They didn’t go away from their husbands. And they were smart because it’s better to be together with your husband even if he’ll hit you sometimes. Of course, hitting is a very big aveirah; to hit anybody, to hit any Jew is a big aveirah. But still, eventually they’ll live together. They’ll have so many good opportunities to be happy with each other.
You know the Gemara (Sota 2a) says about marriage, מוציא אסירים בכושרות – He brings forth those who are bound in chains. Marriage is a chain. You’re tied together with chains. Why is it בכושרות? Because it’s בכי ושירות – it’s weeping and singing.
Marriage is weeping and singing. That’s what all marriages are, weeping and singing. But you’re bound with chains. Remain chained together and you’ll discover that the singing is more than the weeping. You’ll live long lives together and you’ll go to the bar mitzvahs and the chasunahs of your grandchildren together. You’ll eat a lot of good suppers together. And so, it’s good common sense to ignore that.
I told you the story last week about a chosson who beat up his kallah with his fists not long after the chasuna. She divorced him. At that time, she was right. What did he do? He went and learned computer programming and he got a job. He’s a frum young man. He married somebody else and now it’s nice and quiet there. The teretz is, at that time he was nervous and meshugeh.
It passes by. It passes by. It pays to be patient. It pays to be patient, yes. I don’t say if a man is mamish permanently meshugeh; I can’t say that, but it pays to be patient. In most cases, people will find out that life rewards them eventually.
Marriage is a very great tikkun hachaim. Marriage is a tremendous tikkun hachaim for one’s health too. It’s very important to live together with a spouse. מצא אשה מצא טוב. And therefore, to maintain that marriage is extremely important.
TAPE # E-264 (February 2001)