Q:
How does one retain for all of his life the bond which was created when they were first married?
A:
And the answer is that it’s a pusteh chalom, anempty dream. As soon as you marry, romance flies out of the window. And that’s where it belongs – out of the window.
You have to be realistic – you’re going to live with a partner forever. You’re using the same bathroom. You sit and eat together. Sometimes you don’t like the way she chews her food; she makes too much noise when she eats. Or she talks too much. Sometimes she doesn’t like his ways either. You have to know – that’s it! You’re there forever.
Now it doesn’t mean you cannot change. You shouldn’t try to change the other partner too much, however. Don’t try to change him too much. Don’t criticize too much; be realistic. And don’t expect a life of romance because romance is sheker v’kazav. It’s not true.
A life of loyalty, a life of working together to build a home, a life of trying to save money, a life of trying to raise up the children in the right way; you have to introduce the reach of Torah into your house – a life of all kinds of things, that’s what marriage is.
You have to work hard all your life to succeed inside the house, but do not expect any romantic pictures of what life will be like because you’re going to be disappointed.
And some people, because they’re disappointed, they think they made a mistake so they’re going to try again. And the second time will be worse than the first time.
TAPE # 888
