Rav Avigdor Miller on Shana Rishona

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Q:
How much time is a newly married man supposed to spend in the company of his wife?


A:
No time at all. Now, let me explain that. Here’s a man who is newly married, so according to the Torah we cannot take him out of his home into military service during the first year. But that doesn’t mean that he sits at home and talks to his wife, no. He’s home but he’s plowing his field, he’s out taking care of the sheep and the cattle. He’s working. Only that he’s home.

Let’s say he’s a kollel-man. So the first year, if he wants, at night he can sit and learn at home. But he has to learn. And it doesn’t mean he has to learn at home – he can learn in the בית המדרש too. But he can learn at home if he wishes. But it doesn’t mean that he sits and talks to his wife. He’s not supposed to waste his life. And she shouldn’t waste his life.

So he has to do what’s necessary to do, only that he has to give a certain amount of consideration. So the first year נקי יהיה לביתו שנה אחת – “He should be free for his house for one year” (D’varim 24:5). He doesn’t go away to the army, but at home he does his business. He doesn’t sit and talk to his wife all the time. אל תרבה שיחה עם האשה – Don’t talk too much to your wife. Even the best wife, if you talk too much, she’ll find ways and means of criticizing you. You’ll tell her your faults, your weaknesses, and it will be a handle for her to grab and utilize against you. Whatever you say will be used against you. So the less you say, the better off you are. And the same is true for a wife as well. The less she says to her husband, the more he’ll think of her.

TAPE # 921