Rav Avigdor Miller on Shidduchim, Kollel and Parnasa

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Q:
Is it wrong to look for financial assistance when looking into a shidduch?


A:
It is wrong to not look for financial assistance when looking into a shidduch! You must have help in a shidduch. You want to get married, not when you’re fifty-five years old. You want to get married when you’re a young man – twenty maybe, twenty-one, twenty-two. You can’t go out into the world yet. A boy of twenty-two is very raw material. He’s not capable of dealing with the world. He has to be in the Kollel for some time. For years and years. I would say that in most cases, you shouldn’t go out into the world until you’re thirty years old. If you have a good פרנסה that enables you to continue learning, all right, even longer. But otherwise, stay as long as you can in the Kollel, up till thirty. And then, after age thirty, I would suggest that you don’t stay any longer in the Kollel. It’s a big mistake, I think, to be forever in the Kollel. You become poor. You can’t marry off your children. You become a schnorrer sometimes. You’re עוסק in גזל, too. All type of things they do in order to find פרנסה. But I’m not going to tell you what to do afterwards. I’m not going to tell you what to do in that respect. I’m only telling you the first thing. The first thing is that you must have a certain amount of help in order to learn תורה. And when your parents negotiate with the shadchan, they shouldn’t be ashamed to talk clear words. דברים ברורים. How much they’re going to give and for how long are they going to support you. It’s very important for the young couple. Every young man has to be in the Kollel for some time. And sometimes his parents also should help out. But if they’re not able to help, then they must get some help from the girl’s parents.

TAPE #E-170