If one knows that a married man is fooling around with somebody else, should the wife be notified?


If a man sees a married man who is fooling around with another woman should the wife be notified?

First of all, the man should be notified.  And here’s how to do it.  Send him an anonymous letter telling him that he should stop or else his wife will be told.  Wait a while and then send a letter to his wife – also anonymous.  It’ll be just as effective.  

By the way, anonymous letters, you have to know are an important way of accomplishing things.  I’ll explain this to you.  

There are many people who need encouragement; many people who need reproof, criticism.  And it’s not easy for you to accomplish that in person.  First of all, sometimes the people live far away.  Let’s say there’s a rabbi in a congregation who is trying his best to introduce in his kehilla certain changes to improve the atmosphere but there are people there who are opposing him. Do you know what it means to receive a letter of encouragement from a stranger; even though you don’t even sign your name?  Sign a false name.  It’s a big lift to him.

If you see somebody that does something good and you write a letter to encourage him, it’s a very big achievement.  If somebody does something bad and you write a letter to him – you don’t have to sign your name – it’s also important.  הוכח תוכיח את אמיתך.  Anonymous letters, if it’s done properly, are a big mitzvah.  

Of course, if people write anonymous letters just to annoy people or to vent their anger, their animosity, that’s called a pashkvil in Yiddish.  It’s a sin.  It’s a wicked thing.  That’s why you have to be careful.  But if your letters are written for the service of Hashem, you can accomplish a great deal.  

Even if you write letters to senators and congressman. If you’re afraid to sign your name, take some name out of the telephone book and put in a different first name. So if the congressman will call up that family, they’ll say, “Nobody with that first name lives in that house.”

He’ll say, “Alright.”  Probably if he sees that the last name is that family, he’ll think it’s a genuine letter.  

Write letters.  It’s important.  You never did it?  Then start doing it.  Write letters! Speak up!

And so, many times a man can be rescued from a pit, from falling into a pit of destruction just by a letter. Because sometimes when it goes too far, then he cannot change his ways already.  His wife might discover it in a different way and it’ll be a tragedy.  If you’ll warn him beforehand, he might change his ways and you could save a person from destruction.

TAPE # 625

By |2023-07-11T02:01:11+08:00November 11, 2021|Q & A|0 Comments

About the Author: