Q:
You were speaking tonight about being artificial and speaking nicely to a spouse even if you don’t feel that way. But what if I am a very emotional person and I find it hard to put on an act to my husband?
A:
The answer is you do what pays. When a wife will just let go and tell her husband, “You’re the rottenest fellow I ever saw,” first of all, you’re not saying the truth that’s in your heart. You know that it’s not so – he’s definitely not the most rotten person you know. And secondly, by doing that you are breaking down a great opportunity because people respond mostly to praise and encouragement. And if he knows that’s your opinion of him then he loses courage and he sinks to that level. Everybody knows the incentive that a teacher gives the talmidim is by making them think that the teacher considers them capable of doing big things. If you’ll praise your husband, you’ll see that he’ll respond. So it doesn’t pay to give vent to your emotions.
Now, if you are emotional then the following prescription is prescribed. If it’s the daytime, quickly put on your coat and go outside and mutter to yourself in the street. If you want, you can approach the nearest house wall and bang your head against it a few times. It’s very effective in reducing emotions. If it’s nighttime, so walk into the bathroom, close the door and without saying anything do the same against the bathroom wall. That’s the way to vent your emotions.
TAPE # 42
