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Q: 

Someone who keeps being rejected by prospective shidduchim, how should he or she get married?

A:

Look, there’s a man for every woman and a woman for every man.  Don’t tell me you’re being rejected – you’re rejecting somebody else too. I’ll give an example. Here is a bachur’l — a young bachur of thirty-six. He just can’t find the right one! If it will click, if something will click inside of him, then he knows that’s the right one. Ubber s’clickt zich nisht, he says. It just didn’t click yet! So we say to him: “What are you waiting for? You’ll wait to marry marry a young lady of forty-five who is too old to have any children?” 

Look for a young girl. There are young widows around who have children already.  You’ll say, “Somebody else’s children I should take?!” Yes. Absolutely. Marry a young widow and she’ll have children for you. You’ll raise her children too and you’ll have nachas instead of letting your life be wasted and you’ll finally marry an old girl who is not capable of children and your life is ruined.  

And that’s why it’s a tragedy to postpone marriage. That’s a fatal error! And fathers of daughters must know that when girls are approaching eighteen, they should get busy.  At eighteen you must marry off your daughters. Don’t wait. At nineteen they’re more independent and at twenty they’re even more independent and then later they won’t listen to you.  And tragedies have happened. Girls finally moved out of the house because they couldn’t stand the arguing with the parents. Once a girl moves out of the house, it’s almost goodbye.

And therefore, eighteen, that’s the time. And nobody has an excuse that he can’t find a zivug. It’s because you have false dreams of romance.  Romance is an elil hasheker, it’s a false god.  There’s no such thing as romance.  The day after the wedding, when you both use the same bathroom, romance is gone. So marry for seichel and marry for avodas Hashem, and then you’ll be able to succeed because you’re not living with false hopes.

TAPE # 692

By |2023-07-15T01:26:31+08:00May 5, 2020|Q & A|0 Comments

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