Should a Yeshiva bochur get engaged to a girl even if he’s not attracted to her?


This question is asked to me all the time. And the answer is, how many girls have you seen so far? Oh, about ten. Ten girls?! Ok, so something is wrong. If between the ten girls you couldn’t find one that you liked, then the fault is with you. Hashem made girls to be attractive. So if you couldn’t find one, then the fault is in you. Yes, you! So therefore, if the girl that you’re seeing now is a fine girl and she’s frum and healthy and is willing to help you in your learning – and her parents might even be able to help out a little bit as well, by supporting you a little bit. If all the other circumstances are good and she’s willing to have a big family of children, so hurry up and grab her before somebody else does.

I once met a boy. He told me he saw a hundred girls already. A hundred girls! I could have married half of them! At the end he married an old girl who was too old to even have children. He had no children from her. He was waiting for that attractive girl of his dreams.

So attraction is not important. If it’s an issue of disgust – you can’t look at her at all, or she can’t look at him – that’s a different story. But if it’s not disgusting, if it’s not repulsive – if it’s just not the attraction you were hoping for, then get married because that’s what Hakodosh Boruch Hu wants. And Hakodosh Boruch Hu will give you a reward for doing the mitzvah. It’s a very big mitzvah to get married. It’s so important. So make up your mind that it’s not going to be a question of who’s the best one. You be the best one. You just be the best one. That’s what’s important. Make sure to be the best one.

TAPE #E-172

By |2023-07-17T23:57:13+08:00January 8, 2018|Q & A|0 Comments

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