Rav Avigdor Miller on the Good Looking Couple

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Q:
The Rav has spoken often about the responsibility of a wife to make herself look good and make sure to be presentable in front of her husband. What about the husband’s duties towards his wife? Does he have to dress the same way?


A:
The question is: does the husband have responsibility to make a favorable impression on his wife? Yes, of course. But there is no question that the wife’s responsibility is much bigger. Much bigger. And that is self-understood and it doesn’t need any commentaries.

Of course a husband must make himself acceptable – and it’s a responsibility of his. The Gemara says that if a woman comes before a beis-din and says מאוס עלי – I can’t stand this man it means something.If she says, “He’s disgusting to me,” beis-din takes that into account. מאוס עלי is a טענה, it’s a claim. So therefore, the husband should make sure that he’s not מאוס in her eyes. That’s a responsibility of his. No question about it.

However, it’s of the utmost importance for a woman to at all times be attractive to her husband. That’s one of the most important forms of the marriage bond.

A man is not married to a man – he’s married to a woman. And therefore she has to emphasize her womanliness in the role of marriage. Now, I won’t go into details but this is a self-understood axiom and therefore although everybody should make themselves acceptable – not only husbands and wives – but a wife, more than anyone else must feel that obligation at all times and never be negligent. A husband to a certain extent must also be careful. And to a certain extent, everyone must make sure to make himself acceptable to his fellow man.
TAPE 718